So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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