Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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