I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
