I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
