The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
