remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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