Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
