Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wear drunk well.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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