Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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