i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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