who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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