to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
