That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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