Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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