Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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