Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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