At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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