I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
