Just cropdusted the office
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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