why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
