Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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