oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
