so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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