So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
