Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
