yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
