he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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