dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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