I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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