I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you didnt know i had herpes?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
