I smell stomach acid.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
