i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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