Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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