I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
