maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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