I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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