I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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