I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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