he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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