it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
