You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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