Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
