If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I could fuck to npr.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
