I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
