STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's official drugs can't kill me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
