I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
ttyl tear gas
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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