Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
