Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
