they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
