Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
