Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
