saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think I sprained my soul last night
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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