there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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