drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
