a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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