I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
