Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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