shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you guys were way drunker than both of me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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