dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Alive.
So much puke
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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