Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
