Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
