Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
