never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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