U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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