Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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