It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
