im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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