Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
