he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
