Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
