I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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