literally had 100 drinks last night.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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