Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
